Mothering Day

I think I need to make a distinction between being honoured for being a mother and being honoured for mothering. Big difference, isn't there? Our culture does a lovely job of loving our mothers on Mother's Day.

Based on consumer purchases of fresh flowers and plants for holidays at all outlets:
Mother's day ranks 2nd, with 24% in dollar volume of all transactions for the year (after Christmas).

So mothers are getting flowers and cards declaring love and everlasting gratitude. Many are getting meals prepared for them and possibly their house cleaned on this special day! I think it's wonderful. Any chance to honour our mums (and dads!) is big in my books.

But what about mothering in our culture the other 355 days of the year? Do you think that all is well? We're all one, right? Whatever befalls one of us befalls every one of us? We can make sure we're raising our sons and daughters to honour mothering in our own homes, and that's a good start. Being part of a larger community or tribe that does the same is even better. But is it enough? Do you think that any of us can in any way not be affected by the larger culture around us? And what about when your children choose spouses? Well, accept for mine, I'm not worried as I'm going the arranged-marriage route ;o)

I don't know. I really think that change begins in our own homes, but that we are all mothers to all children everywhere. And personally being with my mil on Sunday was a huge wake-up call for me. It's subtle, isn't it? To me that's what's insidious about it. There was nothing on Sunday that made it rational to jump up and yell out about it. And you know me, so you can be assured I was not silently brooding about it! I was speaking up. In fact I suggested that the husband (who forgets his wife's birthday every year) ask his mother to remind him each year. She's not an accountant! I got strange looks over that one. It's the eager, interested questions about how busy the men are at work, what's happening, what events are upcoming. No questions about what's going on with the mothers and kids, and when someone mentions something there being no interest, no empathy for what's tiring, the suck-it-up message when its mentioned how long the days are with the men working long hours... It's subtle, that's just it: This thing in our culture that values money and status far above parenting. On Sunday I got it on a soul level that I need to make a stronger stand for the honouring of parenting and especially mothering on this planet. Annika has a poster that says "I am in the world to change the world." Maybe it should be in my room instead.

Ani DiFranco is on the cover (and feature article) in Mothering magazine this month. She says the day she gave birth to her daughter she was reborn a feminist. Talking about the work of mothering she says "It's hard to recognize, because men's work has such extravagant evidence -- skyscrapers, for instance -- while much of women's work just makes the world quietly turn."

And as an aside, I'm wondering if there's any different sense about all this depending on whether or not you have a daughter. I got two phonecalls from mothers of daughters on Monday morning, both feeling the same urgency to turn things around in our culture. Along with a couple emails from mothers of sons wondering if I'm okay. I wonder if there's something to that. What do you think?