Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Update on weeP

So, we've been to see the pediatrician twice now, had more blood drawn from our wee boy than I knew was in him, had 7 x-rays taken and an extensive ultrasound and ??
Nada. We know he doesn't have a whole whack of scarey things, but we don't know anything conclusively as yet. A few of the blood tests aren't back yet, so there still could be something there. But I'm thinking there won't be. The biggest result for me was getting back the muscular dystrophy marker as normal. It was slightly higher than normal, but I was assured that it was still a "negative" result. YAY! And the pediatrician thinks his bones will straighten a good bit on their own once the femur heads rotate (normal development).
So now we're starting with a naturopathic doctor (Dr. DeMonte) here in town. Annika's tummy has been troubling her for about a year now (but getting much worse in the last couple of months) and this doctor says she has an infection in her ileocecal valve. Maybe Pedar has something similar? I don't know, but I feel SO much HOPE for both of them... That we'll all be feeling good and sleeping better in no time flat... I suppose I could have gone to her first and maybe saved some angst and worry? No, I don't think so. I think I had to do it this way -- see what the allopathic system could offer before going to the naturopathic. We've already had the "they put an electronic probe on her toe and now you know she shouldn't be eating wheat? realllly?" a few times. And I can look them in the eye and know that this is the route to take. With Pedar, I might have always been wondering if we'd missed something... I have so much peace in my heart, now, and hope in my spirit. It's like a huge load has been lifted. Aaaaah!
Thank you SO much for all your prayers and vibes and thoughts and blessings. I'm sure it was the miracle I was hoping for. xoxo

Learning the Hard Way...

I am spatially challenged, so even armed with a tape measure, I can't "see" what rearranged furniture is going to look like until I have it rearranged. My husband, being the engineer that he is, finds this beyond irksome. And so, I usually have to rearrange furniture on my own. In fact, in the 13 years we've been together, I think we've happily rearranged ONE room together, ONCE.
Guess what I'm doing today?
Yup. Rearranging. Beds, this time. Again.
BR made wee P his very own toddler bed this summer, and ever since then we've had troubles with sleeping arrangements. Annika has always been a very good sleeper, and happy to sleep in her own space and in her own room. Pedar wasn't quite sleeping in his own space just yet, but showing signs of willingness and desire. So the bed was made to provide him with his own space in their shared room, even if only to sit on to read or play with his cars. Annika was delighted with this new arrangement, having her wee brother's bed RIGHT beside hers. BUT! When that bed was empty every night, she didn't like it one bit. Pedar wasn't happy to sleep there right off the bat, and somehow just having the empty bed there made Annika anxious. For awhile we were dragging her little mattress into our room each night to sleep beside me on the floor. But that didn't quite suffice either, as she was 1 foot off the floor, and I was up on our big nest bed close to the ceiling, or so it seemed to both of us. And when we tried to bump daddy and sleep 2 kids and mummy in the nest, it didn't work either. Kids were bumping into each other and nobody was getting much sleep. So about a month ago, I retired (for now) the beautiful nest bed, that Brent made for us the weeks before Annika was born. I put the king mattresses on the floor, hauled up a single to go along beside, and we slept there quite happily, everyone sleeping better than we had for weeks. Well, except daddy. Well, and Pedar, who was going through his troubles with whatever it was/is, and Brent couldn't sleep alongside his tossing, turning, moaning little body. But wee P has calmed down considerably most nights, and so I am totally rearranging beds again. I am making our big room the "sleeping room" for everyone. I have put the single bed into the kids' shared room, moved their 2 little toddler beds into our room making more room to play in their room, which is now the "play room". And I'm HOPING that they will sleep happily in their own wee beds next to our big bed in our room.
Oh, but yes, the spatially challenged thing... I somehow measured out that we could fit a queen mattress alongside the 2 toddler beds, all side-by-side like, keeping our sleeping-in-one-big-bed feeling going. So I hauled the king mattresses downstairs, half the queen mattresss upstairs, and then realized that that didn't work. But not before I tried to squeeze them in on all 3 available walls. Urgh!
So then I asked Annika if she thought she could sleep toe-to-toe in her little bed (pushed with the footboard up against Pedar's footboard) with Pedar's, and she said yes! So now I have all this space and am taking a breath here before hauling the queen BACK downstairs and the kings back UPstairs...
But that's just how I am. If I hadn't TRIED it every which way, I wouldn't be convinced that it wouldn't work. And so now you see where BR's frustration comes in... He can just KNOW that it WON'T work in his head and doesn't like to oblige with the experimentation "just in case".
And what am I going to do if Annika decides she CAN'T sleep unless we're all in a line? I hear there's a great cabin in the woods somewhere closeby. I could sleep THERE! he he

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

two sizes too small...

I don't think I've ever hit the last week of November SO COMPLETELY uninspired before.
I'm usually all abuzz with ideas for Annika's birthday (on the 4th) and chomping at the bit to start Solstice and Feastmas celebrations (determined to take the Christ OUT of Christmas...). But here I am wandering around feeling empty and blah as can be, no inspired thoughts bouncing in my echoey head, and only slight jolts when I realize what the date REALLY is. I haven't even taken down our Autumn decorations, a subconscious effort, I'm sure to slow the weeks dowwwwwwwwn.
What's going on? Well, I think it has a lot to do with the huge energy drains that have recently occured. Plus unresolved holiday plans. I'm a plan-girl. We neeeeed a plan!
I'm definitely in need of serious inspiration. There are birthday plans to be drawn up, urgently! Baking to be started, presents to be made, presents to be bought, songs to be sung, lights to be strung, cedar to be cut and strung... Every year around this time I hear people saying "I just can't seem to get into the spirit" and I think really? that never happens to me! Yeah, well, never say never! It's happening and I'm thinking I'm eventually going to have to settle for panic in the place of seasonal spirit.
And maybe a good kick in the pants. Anyone? Anyone?

p.s. Here's a thought. Maybe the Grinch just needed some empathy? he he he

Thursday, November 09, 2006


I've discovered again how much I love squirreling away for winter... Each Autumn it surprises me all over again how much joy this gives me! This batch was pickles! Carrots (from our garden) and eggplant pickle/relish (also from our garden).
But as I've been preparing for long winter nights, my mind has been jarred into the reminder of the brevity of life. We spend so much time and energy wishing things were different than they are... our bodies and relationships in our 20's, our relationships and our careers in our 30's, and that's as far as i've gotten... but then before you know it you're 66 and dead. That's how old my uncle was when he didn't wake up from his sleep yesterday morning. At birth he had the same value as any other wee soul. His mother adored him just like she should...

But the first part of his life was to be one of chaos and the choices he made caused a great deal of pain... And that part of his life is what so many in his family remember. But there is more. Different. He died in an accident, had a profound experience, came back, and was a changed man, full of love and acceptance and full of the wonder of life.
It took me a long time to forgive this man, but forgive I did, and even formed a strange but quite beautiful relationship with him over the miles. When his brother died (my dad), he was SO happy for my dad. His own near-death experience left him excited for the day it would happen for real... and so... I don't feel sad for him. But just like in the beginning of his life, at the end he is a soul worthy of mourning and missing and loving... He left behind some beautiful photos taken early on in his life, and just a general feeling of unconditional love. This photo is how I'm imagining him on his new adventure on the other side... What a beautiful man, hey? And this time around the chaos inside his mind is gone, and he's just full of love and light...
Good-bye Laffing Wolfe. Thank you for the photos and the laughter and the insight and the hugs. I hope this winter is beautiful wherever you are and that you have all the carrot pickles you can eat. Give my dad one of your big bear-hugs for me. Thank you for loving me. I forgive you and I love you too.