Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Gypsy Heart

My good friend is having a terrible time with her five year old not wanting to go to kindergarten. It started with that and now he doesn't want her leaving him at all. Suffocating. She's a gypsy-spirit who should be adventuring the world with her gorgeous kids and supportive husband. But they're living this safe life right now in my small town (which is good for me! i love having them here!) but the fire in her belly wanes with each passing day of small-town life. Every few months she has to stoke it up just to stay sane and keep herself from driving off the cliffs that surround our town -- remind herself of what she's REALLY here for and assure her spirit that she WILL live that life... all in good time. They're on a five year plan just now. Meaning her husband is building his professional practice and they will re-assess in 5 years time whether or not this is the right time to start their gypsy lives.
I think of her little 5 year old and how he's probably a gypsy at heart too. How his soul probably had a contract with her soul before he was born that she would keep him close to her heart and side as they explored the world together. And I wonder how much of him will still want that in 5 years time after 5 years in the public school system. Right now he would thrive. In 5 years time, will he be saying "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You want me to leave all my friends and homeschool in some weird country where people don't even speak English???" (Or, as I heard a 12 year old American boy say in Belize: "These people are way more smarter than the Mexicans. Down there half of them can't even speak American!" eeeeeek!) Yet, how do we ever really know what's the RIGHT thing for us to be doing at any given time? The only way I know of is by the heat coming off my own belly fire. When I'm living my best life people all around me flock to the warmth radiating from within. When I'm not, I can hardly stand myself.
I don't know. It's such a hard thing, this old living. It's hard enough living our own lives without feeling responsible for new souls sharing our space. How do we balance living our own best life with them living theirs? That's the sweet thing about it -- that's the other way to tell if we're on course -- if our children are peaceful and happy then it's steady-on girlfriend!

Marjorie and me

I've committed to getting active on a daily basis. I committed to myself andI promised a lady named Marjorie, who has cancer in her legs and can't walk anymore. So far so good. I told myself I would walk every weekday -- put my kiddies in the jogger and away we go right after breakfast. But i didn't go yesterday because the bones in my legs were aching and I decided I needed to be free enough to do what's right for me in the NOW. I read this great article in the latest O magazine about a man who used to be world-famous for teaching goal-setting seminars and now he travels the globe preaching that we need to STOP setting goals and start living in the NOW! He talks about how many opportunities we miss out on when we're so focused on the (future) goals and how we're actually living in the past because that's when those goals were set in stone. SO! With my walking regime, I'm simply colouring in the block on the calendar when I go. Not keeping track of time or distance or route, like I normally would. Just going and breathing and pushing myself as appropriate for that day. And my calves are burning so I must be doing something right. Feels good. Feels like this could be the time that it actually sticks. WAHOOOO!

Not much

What i know today:
that i would rather read other people's blogs than blog my own.
that most of the time i don't feel totally present in my life.
that i'm a lot crankier with my family than i want to be.
that overall, i love my life.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

It's time...

Holy crap! Am I really going to do this? I have had a template started for my own blog for sooooooooooo long but just haven't posted. Why? Am I so addicted to perfection? I think not, yet I never knew just what to post. I still don't. So I'm aiming for pure imperfection -- utter crap, for my first post. Just to get SOMETHING on there!
So there it is! Only direction from here is up!
hee hee