Thursday, December 08, 2005

My birthday girl

I love you, sweet girl, and I can't believe you're already four. You have taught me more in your little lifetime than I have learned from anyone else in mine... You amaze me, challenge me, and stretch me more than I ever thought possible. And we've only just begun, you and me...

If I could choose, right now, four things that you would learn from me they would be:

  1. Grace, amazing grace: not the kind that makes you skate smoothly, but the kind that allows you to be kinder than anyone expects when you're handed an opportunity to put someone in their place.
  2. Inspired: no, i don't mean inspirational or inspiring, I mean inspired. I want you to strive not to be inspiring to others or be an inspiration to someone, I want for you to live an inspired life. To live your best life and not ever feel the need to rise up to someone else's expectations or hopes for you; to always stay close to your true self, blaze your own path, and express your own free spirit.
  3. Integrity: to be real ALWAYS. To never bow to the pressure to pretend or make excuses.
  4. Kindness: for kindness to be your true religion. I want to teach you to be kind to yourself by being kind to myself. I want to teach you to be kind to others by being kind to you.

I've got my work cut out for me, don't I? I love you sweet thing. More than you will ever know... until you become a momma. Thank you for choosing ME to be your mummy, babygirl. Thank you for sharing your life with me, for being patient and forgiving of me, and for understanding that I'm doing my best. And for your deep awareness that with each passing day, as I learn from you MY best will grow... as well as my love and gratitude for you...

xo, mummy

A real know-it-nothing

Realizing lately that I don't know anything. My whole life I've struggled so hard to prove that I know things, and now I'm realizing how fruitless this is. But it's an old habit and I'm an old dog and well, new tricks come hard... I still hear myself neeeeeeding to be right on things, but I'm quicker to stop myself from arguing so hard and just listen.
What is that? My intense physical need to believe that I'm right? That my way of thinking is the ONLY way to think? My way of mothering is the only way... My way of living... When I heartily disagree with what someone's just said, I feel this physical wave rise inside of me and then I start to make my case. My goal is just to ride the wave out and continue to listen.
Wish me luck.