Sunday, November 13, 2005

there's more to me than what i see...

i've been pulling my soul out of boxes this weekend and been on an emotional rollercoaster.
when my mum died i boxed half of myself up in boxes and rubbermaids (to seal the love in) and haven't had the courage to unbox that part of me until now. five years later...
i've pulled out old journals and read through some of them and gotten the best glimpse of who i really am -- all of me, not just the wife and mum i've become, but the depths of me down to my toes.
what a journey. a wild ride. loving it. pulled out old letters from my mum, some from my dad to my mum, some heartbreaking ones from my mum to my dad... my mum's old purse, chock full of old love letters and old photos of people i don't know -- people from her life-before-me.
on friday i read a blog about a new mum ( feeling so sad that her mother loved herself more than she loved her. and opening these boxes i can feel the love pouring out from my mum -- and feeling the intensity of my mum's love towards me. feeling so grateful that she opened herself to me -- and loved me more than she loved herself.
anyway, it's a work in progress, my life! that's what i'm really getting out of all this.
i'm slowly moving my studio around so that it's going to be a haven for me and my creativity and my family and my friends and my soulsisters. and i'm piiiiiiiining for white sofas like these for my new room. Anyone got some in storage that they're eager to unload? he he

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