Saturday, November 12, 2005

Here's to enlightenment!

I have been thinking about what a blog is to me. Why have I chosen to blog? Why have SO many people chosen to blog? Why do so many people read blogs? What's it really all about?
For me, I have always found that I don't really know what I think/feel/believe until I either write it out or discuss it with a true friend. I can't seem to sort out my head in silence in my own little corner. And I think a lot of people are the same. So, I set out blogging in an attempt to get a different perspective on my life. I must say, it has been a marvelous success. There is something about writing out my thoughts/feelings/beliefs in a private-yet-could-be-very-public forum that enables me to be an observer of myself on a deeper level than I have ever experienced before. My enlightened aunt has described the first level of enlightenment as being just that: you are an observer of your watch your life from a place of to let it unravel and proceed without taking things personally or needing any specific results. So! Perhaps blogging is the fast track to enlightenment! he he
Since I've been blogging, I have had some very powerful breakthroughs about myself: I am addicted to needing to be right; I am intensely judgmental; I crave approval, etc. I also see my writing in a different light -- not so much my writing per se, but what I have to write about. I had always thought that if I really wanted to write something to be published, I just needed to make the time to DO it and it would be a slam dunk. This really held me back from doing just that as it was an enormous amount of pressure. Reading what comes out of my heart/head/spirit here, makes me see that I need a lot of practice -- a lot of opening up, a lot of letting go before I will be able to let anything come through me that would be worth sending off to a publisher. And I'm happy with that. It opens me up to be able to write a lot more without any of the pressure of feeling the need to have it all be exceptionally good reading! Freedom.
I don't know who reads this blog, and perhaps that's the power of it. Would I write differently if I did know? If there were a little "visitor log" alongside my log-in, would I censor myself? I am a life-long seeker of living in integrity, being real, living my true life no matter what. Perhaps this is the bonus of my blog -- I get to LIVE OUT LOUD very intentionally, without any fear of self-censoring.
I don't know who runs the blogspot site or why it is just free to whomever wishes to use it, but I send blessings to he or she or they and hope that more people take advantage of such a generous offer.

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