Saturday, January 07, 2006

The Courage to live

.A walk and talk with my good friend and I have my theme for the year: COURAGE.
This year I'll be exploring the true meaning of this word for me, but so far I know this: I need the courage to live MY life FULL OUT, the courage to be as BIG as I was born to be (my spirit, that is ;o), the courage to acknowledge and then embrace my OWN desire lines instead of continuing the dramas and struggles and dreams of my deceased parents. I LOVE what I had with them and I respect them so much for the lives they struggled with. But now this is MY chance, MY turn to succeed, screw up, fall down, get up, laugh, cry, find my OWN happiness. For my entire life, my parents were my project. For as long as I can remember my main purpose in my life was to make sure they stayed together and that they were happy (especially my mum). And now my angelfriend has helped me to see that I am continuing my mum's life -- complete with her dreams and struggles -- to the point where I keep edging my own husband to show up as if he were my dad. I am playing out their relationship dramas as a mother, a wife and even as a daughter/sister-in-law. I seek the courage to release all of that; to release their lives and their struggles and even their dreams. Because those lives are OVER. Those lives are dead. Those lives are empty. And in this release I will make the space for my own dreams, struggles, and adventures to show up. Only in this process will it be possible for me to really embrace their spirits that ARE alive. Their lives are dead. Their spirits are alive. I have had it backwards for the past five years.
Dear Goddess, I ask for the courage to stray from my parents' path... The courage to forge my own path and NOT leave a trail; thereby creating the possibility for my children to inherit enough courage to easily find their own way as well. I don't know what it looks like to live my own life, but I'm eager for the adventure to begin. Thank you, Amen.


Heather said...

Hey thanks for writing that comment in my blog. I want to read that book, I just looked it up at my library and the only one they had was called "the unschooling handbook:how to use the world as your child's classroom" is that the same one?

Mary-Sue said...

hi Heather! I left a message at your blog, but in case you come back HERE looking for the answer, it's YES! that IS the book that soothed my soul! Another one I loved is called "Deschooling Our Lives". It's a whole new concept and took me a bit to wrap my stubborn head around, but now I've embraced it and can't believe I didn't see it before! Good luck with your journey, and thanks for visiting my blog! I love yours!

SRJ said...

i want to learn how to de-school my life. like you said when i was there i find it really hard to concentrate on anything for very long. so frustrating! i want to learn but don't allow myself to. argghhhh! i wish i was unschooled! so is that book for grownups?

Anonymous said...

amen sister. that does take courage and i know you will find it deep in your goddess soul.
i love all your recent posts. i love reading what's in your heart. you are so often a mirror to my soul.
i love you!