Monday, May 08, 2006

Fresh start...

I LOVEd today. I woke up with such a feeling of rejuvenation and peace and calm. Part of it, is that the weekend was over and my little family did so much more than endure it. We had SUCH a good time. We talked a lot about the people whose lives we were celebrating and mourning. We had lots of cries and lots of laughs too. And last night Annika INSISTED that we have a wiener roast down by the creek. We were SO tired from the weekend of productivity (and wrastling our alpacas into the back of the pick-up truck for transfer to greener pastures...) that I really tried to talk her into having a nice safe warm soup of borscht instead. But she would have none of it. She listened so patiently and I used my newly learned NVC needs and feelings talk... And then she said "Nope. Your dad loves lilacs and I love lilacs. Your mum loves wiener roasts and I love wiener roasts and that's what we're going to do." I laughed HARD and away we went. It was such fun. The perfect end to the weekend. Brent and I had some tears together last night, remembering one last time. And then we snuggled and had lovely comforting sex and went to sleep. It was a terrible night, with Annika and Pedar both needing mama several times in the night. But despite all that, I woke up with such a sense of renewal and vigor. THIS is what it's like to live with death as my ally. To wake up every morning filled with gratitude at another brilliant day that I get to spend living my amazing life. WOW. I am SO grateful.

4 comments:

SRJ said...

WOW! we are all so lucky to have you in our lives! C and i were talking today about having people validate how we feel, being re-assured that the way we feel is ok. thats who you are for me. i cant think of any other word than big. you are bigger than your self and that is sooo inspiring.
LOVE amazing powerful you!xxxx

Chick said...

wow, srj used all the adjectives I was thinking of. What can I say, you really are amazing! Thank you for sharing so much of your heart so generously!

Anonymous said...

our kids are certainly wise little angels aren't they?! thank you for sharing!
xojacq

Patry Francis said...

Thank you for sharing your strength. Very inspiring story.