maristar: June 2009

I'm glad there's a special day to slow down and make especially sure that you know how much you're honoured and appreciated and admired just inyour role of 'Dad'. Lately I've been keenly aware of what a great dad you are -- not just from my perspective but especially from your kids'. You're loving and tender and really "there" for them when you need to be. Yet you're fun and silly and sporty and adventurous with them too. You teach them cool stuff and you're patient and calm most of the time when they need you to be. You're solid and predictable enough for them to really depend on you yet you break any mold anybody's ever set out - racing in the Over The Hill Downhill and riding your bike down the road from Silver Star. You're exciting and funny and handsome and generous -- everything a kid wants their dad to be. Truly, our kids are, hands down, the luckiest kids I know because you are their dad. And if nothing else ever went right in their lives, that one thing would be enough to carry them along. You are such a great dad, Brent.
And theother side of that, of course, is that you love their mother and that's huge. You teach them, through your love for me to be honest, dependable, worthy and accepting of love. Our example of how to work things out, how to stick things out, how to love in spite of... will carry them the rest of the way. They'll know they're worthy of being deeply loved no matter what -- and they'll be willing to take the risk of loving deeply and putting themselves out there. I'm SO grateful for your love for them, and even more for your love for me. I love you! Happy Father's Day!

Well, hello there!
and welcome back to me, i suppose! Looks like it's been about 6 months -- now how did THAT happen?? Half of a year. Half of my baby's life! I honestly just can't figure out how time passes so quickly -- it's too cliche to even talk about, really, but there you have it.

When I try to think of a way to break back into blogging, I don't know where to even start. I look back over the photos from the past 6 months and I get completely overwhelmed with how blessed my life is. I waffle between wanting to catch up on absolutely every incredibly wonderful thing that's happened complete with hundreds of photos, to wondering what to even post about -- stuck in this feeling of amazement that I get to live this great big beautiful life of mine...

Why am I so blessed? Sometimes I look around the world and feel sick that so so many mothers and children live in fear. Constant fear of one thing or another. And I wonder. Why do I get this life and they get that one? Thank you, Great Mother, for this great big beautiful happy life of mine...

Yet it's so easy to focus in on the minutiae, to get caught up in the too-muchness of it all, to waste away precious moments stressing about what could be a trifle different... and poof! you open your eyes and half a year has passed...

The past six months I've been getting better at being really present, on creating new rituals and new healthier habits, and I think for me, part of that was spending precious little time on the computer. Now that I have a little better balance in my life I'll ease back into keeping up with my blog. I DO appreciate all the requests I've received (especially recently) to get back into blogging, and so, here I am! Hello hello!
And so... to catch me up and share with you where we've been the past six months (this part's for you, Kik!) here goes...

Annika is 7 and a half already. Full of joy, her laughter more contagious than ever, very athletic, artistic, curious, full of adventure and completely in love with Mother Earth. She's kinder than necessary, more thoughtful than expected, confident beyond her years, self-disciplined enough to make up for the rest of us (I swear I must've accidentally given her all mine!!) and full of magic. She's our bird-whisperer, our flower-arranger, our link to the fairy world. She's a tremendous help with Heidi, and absolutely passionate about learning. She's learning to play the piano, is a natural ballerina, discovered soccer (her first experience being on a team -- loved it!) and participated in her first track and field competition. She can't learn enough about First Nations peoples and all things naturalist. She is a true lover of life -- already wishing it would slow down so she could relish the deliciousness of it more...

Pedar is 5 and a quarter! Oh My! He's all boy, fighting the dragons in my spring flowers with his sword (oops, sorry mummy!), running his cars along the racetrack that circles the car (yes, ON the car), drawing his masterpieces on the inside of the cupboard doors, unable to resist spraying his sisters with the garden hose even when he solemnly promises he won't... And of course, finding a way to turn himself grub from head to toe when we're on our way out... But he surprises us all the time with his clever sense of humour, his intense desire to show his love and appreciation, his generosity of spirit -- complimenting us on our beauty and our talents. He has his first garden this year and shares his strawberries and garlic chives and peas with us, completely unaware of his green thumb! He's also growing an avocado tree inside, which he compliments every single morning on its growth and health and beauty! He adores riding his bike, LOVES music and can groove like no white man should even be able to. He is absolutely, my life's greatest teacher, and I admit, some days the lessons seem too hard, but we're growing up together. He's our bird identifier, our bookworm, our link to the unseen world of imaginary friends and grannies and grandads who have come back to life...

And then there's Heidi Sue. The baby of my heart. She is absolutely delicious. I wonder sometimes if she tires of me nibbling on her all day every day and most of the night too... I hate to admit, but she's nearly a year!! ????? !!!!! She started walking just before 10 months and she is a GOING CONCERN. I can't keep up, truthfully, and I'm so grateful my other two can! She loves the outdoors, even as a teeny wordless one in the sling, she'd let out a great yell whenever we'd get close to the door, indicating her intense desire to go outside ! She adores the chickens, imitating our lovely rooster, the cat, who learned quickly to steer clear of miss H and her clingy little grip! and most of all "dog dog"! She's intrigued by the alpacas and their frequent warnings to us of bears passing through our property, or, like today, a deer getting too near (for their comfort). As the youngest I never understood the whole taunting I got as the spoiled brat of the family, but now that I have a "youngest", I get it completely. She is just too adorable to need to play by any rules, and that "mind of her own" that people keep warning us about her, well, we find it adorable and wouldn't have her any other way. She loves to be tickled, throwing back her head with sheer joy as the peals of her laughter ring out... Pulling her toes back while she catches her breath and then sticking them out to me again, begging for more... She's my imp, my muse, my baby!

Brent is doing great. He loves me. He loves his kids. He loves his job. Remember how sure I was that first time I met him that he was my soulmate? the one I'd spend my life with? Yeah, well, nothing's changed. He's even more beautiful, more amazing now -- I see him unexpectedly around a corner and my heart does flips and I'm amazed all over again that he's really mine. He's an amazing father, a wonderful partner, and still not a romantic thought in his head... he he he That's not true, he did whisk us away to The Empress for my birthday this year! He kept it a secret right up until we were on the plane, even packing our bags for us (well, mostly). Such a fun weekend we had!!